


Two kisses, a burn and another kiss

by evangellie



Series: walking down the lj memory lane: DBSK version [9]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Canon Universe, Creepy Fluff, F/M, Feelings Realization, Jealousy, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pre-Split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 14:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15463401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evangellie/pseuds/evangellie
Summary: Changmin's first girlfriend and kisses. Jaejoong's reactions.





	Two kisses, a burn and another kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting really old stuff from my livejournal days, with no editing nor rereading because of the cringe factor (just so you are warned). Originally published on 31 December 2008.

Changmin has no memory of his first kiss — he had been sleeping after all — and if you ask him, he will tell you his first kiss was with a cute girl.  
  
She was his first girlfriend. After class, he had waited for her behind a tree in his high-school yard and he uttered something that could have been an _I like you_ if not for the tremolo in his voice. He didn't dare look at anything but this spot just above her shoulder. Then she said a small _me too_ and he had to see her cheeks slightly reddening when he offered her an uncertain smile.  
  
A month passed and then it happened. He was cooking for her in the kitchen of the flat he shared with his bandmate while she was reading a book; _Painter of the Wind_. Then he heard the chair rattle and she was suddenly embracing him from behind, her nose tickling his neck and her hands resting around his waist. Too stunned to remember the boiling water, he burned his hand. His heart beat furiously as he turned to face her. She frowned at the loss of contact, her hands now hidden behind her light blue shirt-dress, but then she gasped when she saw his hurt finger and reached out again, and he watched as she laid a soft kiss on his raw skin. It stung but also filled him with a sweet warmth.  
  
She whispered _sorry_ without looking at him, but then, when he was going to reassure her, he felt a tug on his shirt, and tiptoeing, she shyly brushed her lips against his.  
  
It ended far too quickly. Changmin's hand flew to his mouth and found himself unconsciously licking his lips, tasting her strawberry lipstick. The sound of the door closing startled him.  
  
"It was probably a breeze," she said, avoiding his eyes. He didn't know what to say so he turned his back to her, watching the bubbles dance in the water. She sighed and he heard her footsteps as she went toward the door. "I'm going," she said and, without waiting for an answer, she left the kitchen. Changmin couldn't tear his gaze away from the boiling water, his thoughts lost and swirling like the bubbles. Why was he never able to do the right thing around people he cared about?  
  
"What's so fascinating in there?"  
  
Jaejoong's voice shook him out of his self-doubts. He turned to look at him and mumbled, "I didn't hear you come."  
  
"I saw your girlfriend leave so I thought I'd keep you company."  
  
He'd been watching from the kitchen door, set slightly ajar just for that, until he could stand it no longer when she kissed Changmin.  
  
He could still remember how Changmin's lips had felt warm and a little cracked under his; how Changmin's eyes had fluttered open wide in surprise at seeing Jaejoong's face so close. Jaejoong had smirked and laughed about how he had just stolen a young man's first kiss when, in fact, his mind had been in turmoil. It had started as a joke to fluster Changmin and watch him throw a tantrum, but the short contact, and maybe the shadow of Changmin's eyelashes on his cheeks, had made his heart skip a beat. He had passed the months following the incident watching Changmin, replaying the scene over and over, comparing it with other kisses, trying to figure out why a simple prank had affected him so much. Then Changmin had started dating this ordinary girl and jealousy had made all its way to his heart and he _knew_.  
  
But it was the kiss he had just witnessed that made him decide to act.  
  
"Changmin," he called, and yes, he was going to do it, and he was starting to feel dizzy with adrenaline.  
  
"Yeah?" Changmin's response was a bit strained; he was most probably still thinking about her. Her. Her. Oh, how Jaejoong hated her.  
  
He grabbed Changmin's elbow and made him turn to face him, his other hand resting on the cupboard, trapping Changmin. He didn't let him react before he attacked his lips, tongue forcing his way to the long-desired mouth. It didn't go as he had dreamt when teeth bit his lower lip, hands pushed him away. He could feel blood running down his chin and drip to the floor, but he didn't even feel it.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?!" Changmin's angry voice matched the surprise in his eyes.  
  
"I…" Yes, what was he doing? What had he done? He was completely crazy. He whispered _sorry_ and ran out of the kitchen straight to his room, bumping into Yoochun on his way. Safely confined, he let himself fall on his bed. He groaned in his pillow and began to hit his head against the mattress. He groaned in his pillow and began to hit his head against the mattress. It didn't help the guilt, or the hurt, or the— it didn't help. But he didn't stop, even when he heard a knock on the door.  
  
  
"Who is it?" he asked, his voice half muffled in the pillow.  
  
"Yoochun. I'm coming in." And he did without giving a chance to Jaejoong to protest. "You've stained my favourite shirt."  
  
"And?" sighed Jaejoong, stopped hitting his head even if he couldn't calm his heart.  
  
"Well. I've a right to know why you are bleeding, my shirt being a victim."  
  
"It's nothing. A nosebleed."  
  
"Nice try," Yoochun responded, obviously not believing him. "Spill. Now."  
  
"None of your business," said Jaejoong, starting to get annoyed. He just wanted to be alone.  
  
"Come on. It can be that serious. Did Changmin punch you because you were being an ass? He has become more sensitive since he has been dating that girl."  
  
Jaejoong decided to ignore him. Ignoring problems – and people, which tended to be the problem – usually made they go away. Yoochun sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"You know… I've seen you looking at him."  
  
Jaejoong stared at Yoochun, but Yoochun just went on. "Well, more drooling than looking, really. Very discreet."  
  
"Shut up," Jaejoong frowned. "Not your business I said."  
  
"My shirt would disagree," said Yoochun, smiling, but the amusement quickly disappeared from his face. "Seriously. I worry about you."  
  
"I'm perfectly fine." Jaejoong wiped the blood away from his chin.  
  
Yoochun sighed. "You should forget him."  
  
Jaejoong looked at his fingers, stained with blood, then at Yoochun. He tried a smile but he knew he was failing. "I know."  
  
Seeing Yoochun's startled look, he went on, his voice wavering, "I want to, I really do, I tried, but… " He stopped and stared blindly at the floor, through tears threatening to spill. The warm embrace made him tense at first but then he just let himself go, soothed by Yoochun's hands stroking his hair.  
  
"Oh, Jaejoong," he heard Yoochun say. There was pity in the tone, and something else he didn't recognize but he didn't think about it for much longer as he felt his eyes close. He was so tired.  
  
  
A month passed with Changmin avoiding Jaejoong wherever he could. Everyone had started noticed the awkwardness between them even though Yoochun had tried his best to dispel all the uncomfortable moments and silences.  
  
One day, when Yoochun and Yunho had gone shopping and Junsu was off with his brother, Jaejoong heard the door being slammed. He frowned but didn't get off the couch until, in place of footsteps, he heard a soft thud. He silently got up and went to the front door only to see Changmin sitting on the floor, leaning against the door, his head hung, face hidden by his hair.  
  
"Changmin?"  
  
Changmin's hands flew to his eyes, and Jaejoong thought he saw a quick, surreptious wipe. He got up slowly without raising his head and walked right past Jaejoong until Jaejoong grabbed his arm and stopped him.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Changmin faced him, violently jerking his arm free. Jaejoong took a step back seeing Changmin's wet eyes.  
  
"She left me." His voice was sad and angry at the same time, "You must be happy, no?!"  
  
"Changmin... What are you saying?" Jaejoong stepped forward again, not knowing what to do, but wanting to take away the pain from his face.  
  
"She said it was because she loved me too much. She couldn't bear sharing me. It's all your fault." Changmin's voice had started strongly but ended with a whisper.  
  
"My fault?" Jaejoong took another step forward but Changmin stood stubbornly in place, hands clenching and eyes full of anger.  
  
"You kissed me! And then I was troubled and I neglected her even though I loved her!"  
  
It hurt Jaejoong to hear the word love being associated with _her_ but he pulled Changmin to him and just hugged him. Changmin leaned into the embrace, but he went on:  
  
"And... but... but even so... I don't hate you. I'm not even angry with you. I…" He stopped to take a big breath, "I've been thinking about that day. I keep thinking about you."  
  
"About me?"  
  
"About you and your damn mouth and how you make me feel."  
  
Jaejoong could feel the tears against his throat. "You don't have to go on."  
  
Changmin detached himself from his arms, stepped just far enough back to look straight at him. "But I want to know. I feel like I'll burst soon if I don't sort it out!"  
  
Okay, Jaejoong thought, okay.  
  
"I love you," he said, because there was no other way. "I really do. I'm sorry for having kissed you like that but I cannot be sorry for loving you."  
  
Jaejoong could hear his blood pound in his ears while he watched Changmin struggling to respond.  
  
"I… I'm a mess right now," Changmin said eventually. "And I can't say that I love you."  
  
Jaejoong closed his eyes, feeling a rock settle in his stomach even if he had expected this answer.  
  
Then Changmin's hand touched his shoulder, startling him.  
  
"But," Changmin said. "I don't know. I'm not sure what I feel though I know it's some sort love. I…" He hesitated; after a moment, he kissed Jaejoong's cheek. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I can't promise anything but don't give up on me yet."  
  
Jaejoong couldn't make his voice work so he pulled Changmin to him, repeating _thank you_ in his mind over and over.  
  
  
Jaejoong will forever remember the first he said _I love you_. It wasn't the perfect moment and perhaps he shouldn't have said it at all but he cannot bring himself to regret it as it opened, even if only slightly, the heart he had always wanted.


End file.
